FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
