i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
