What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
