I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
