i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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