No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
