You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
