I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
