somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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