Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
