I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize