just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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