My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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