How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize