I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
