Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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