I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
