sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
