LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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