I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
