Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
