Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?

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(806): View more from Texas

a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work

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(630): View more from Illinois

I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(201): View more from New Jersey

A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

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(904): View more from Florida

I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties

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(256): View more from Alabama

What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here

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(415): View more from California

I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard

(647): View more from Ontario

I meant his actual lizard not his manhood

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