i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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