i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
