just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza