Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime