Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.