I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.