She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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