my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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