My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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