I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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