I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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