Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
