Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
