woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
