its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
