yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
