So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
