mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
