we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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