I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
