She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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