Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
