My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
