we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
