don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
