Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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