I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
