So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
