hotel room ftw
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
