some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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