Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
