Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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