Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
