on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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