I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
