That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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