if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
