I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
