i would punch a child for taco bell
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
