If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The power of my boobs compel you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
