so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
