Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Im part way to drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
