apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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