He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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