I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
