Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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