hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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