you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
