I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is my gift to your gina
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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