I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are we still banned from the library?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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