In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize