Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
