Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
